Dark and gloomy November_01
（続き）
Having finished breakfast, I brewed coffee, took a banana, and sat down on the sofa.
As I draped a blanket over my knees, the cat came and settled on them. Even a finicky cat does that when it gets cold. The warmth of the cat's body felt pleasant to me. Yet the cat surely couldn't get much warmth from me, with my low body temperature. ... I closed my eyes and remained still for a while. Even though she was curled up on my lap, I wasn't allowed to touch or stroke her.
Suddenly, voices spoke. I couldn't tell if they were male or female. I was responding to those voices. Not inside the house, but somewhere else. Then I realised it was a dream.
Beyond the curtains, the sky was finally brightening.
The image of trees dyed scarlet flashed into my mind. Those must be the trees over there, I thought. A remote spot only accessible by car. I'd received facility vouchers through my workplace's welfare service. Initially free, they had somehow changed to subsidised vouchers. Even so, while my daughter was still at home, we went as a family of three, and my wife and I went together too. After my father died, I invited my mother along several times. We often went in late autumn. In summer, a pool was set up there; in winter, an ice rink. I watched the preparations being made several times. Perhaps because we avoided the two main seasons, even on holidays, there were few people about. Perhaps it was because the facility boasted such a vast area.
There wasn't really anything particularly enjoyable to do there. We'd soak in the day-trip hot springs, grill meat at the barbecue house, and then simply gaze at the vast, empty spaces.
Now that my wife has passed away and I've disposed of the car, I no longer go.
I dreamt of the trees turning red at dusk in that place. The last day of November.
朝食を食べ終わってコーヒーを淹れ、バナナを持ってソファに座る。
膝掛けをすると、猫が膝の上にやってきた。気難しい猫でも寒くなると、そんなことをする。猫の体温の暖かさが私には心地よい。しかし猫は、体温の低い私からでは暖は取れないに違いない。……目を閉じて、暫くの間、そのままの姿勢を保つ。膝の上で丸くなっていても、彼女を触ったり撫でたりするのは許されないのだ。
不意に話し声がした。男性なのか女性なのか判然としない。その声に対して私は何か受け答えをしている。家の中ではなく、どこか別の場所。そこで、夢なのだと分かった。
カーテンの向こうの空が漸く明るくなってきていた。
真っ赤に色づいた木々の姿が頭に浮かんだ。あれは多分あそこの木々だなと考える。車で行くしかない辺鄙な場所。職場の福利厚生サービスで施設利用券が貰えた。最初は無料だったが、いつの間にか利用補助券に変わった。それでも、娘がまだ家にいる間は家族三人で出かけたものだし、妻と二人で行ったことも。父の死後は、母を誘って出かけたことも何度かあった。行くのは秋の終わりが多かった。夏季はプールが設置される場所に、冬季はアイススケート場が作られる。その準備の様子を何度か眺めたものだ。二つのシーズンを外していたからか、休みの日でも、人影は疎ら。広大な敷地面積を誇る施設だった所為もあるのだろうか。
行っても何か楽しいものがあるわけでもない。日帰り温泉に入り、バーベキューハウスで肉を焼いて食べる。あとはガランとした空間を見つめるだけに過ぎなかった。
妻が亡くなり、車を廃車にしてしまった今は、もう行くことはない。
そんな場所の夕暮れに赤く染まる木々の姿を夢見た。１１月最後の日。
Bluesky
https://bsky.app/profile/kei-suenobu.bsky.social/post/3m7yaawpwzs2y
The music used for the slides was
Vlad Gluschenko
Peace
SoundCloud
