I just want to look at them.
（続き）
The music used for the slides was
Classical Glass
Je me demande parfois (I Wonder Sometimes)
SoundCloud
Like Sari's two articles, these images of Yui have passed some days since they were taken.
There are still several such image files.
There were times when I took the doll out, dressed her up, looked at her for a while and put her away again. I also decided that it was difficult to take photographs in natural light because the twilight was deepening. ...... I felt it was no use writing an article that no one would see at ....... Even though I thought I was making the slides for my own personal enjoyment, if I went that far, I would want to publish them and hope that someone else would see them too. Somehow I felt terribly ashamed of that.
I just look at the beautiful dolls. It seemed fine to me if that was the end of it.
It reminds me of J.F. Sebastian's room in Blade Runner. The many dolls in the room were set up as toys he had made himself and were also his friends.What are the bodies of these freely moving dolls made of? Do they not get dust on them?
If they didn't get dusty and deteriorate over time, I could have life-size silicone dolls here and there in my room. Of course, I would have to take steps to support the doll so that it would not fall over easily.Still, I don't think of dolls as friends. I think of them as beautiful things, like houseplants or flowers in a pot. I may speak to them, but I don't want them to talk back to me.
I don't want a superficial, empty response. But perhaps this is because I don't want even the dolls to say or do anything unpleasant.
I think it would be enough for them to be in front of me as a quiet, simply beautiful thing, like part of a beautiful landscape.
If my room is a space like the one in Escher's painting, where there is no distinction between inside and outside, up and down, then I can be locked in my house all the time and still exist quite normally in the outside world. Or I can be like countless curl-ups crawling around in a mysterious room, or a manukan walking forever. I was dreaming of such a self that day when I looked at the doll.
紗里の二つの記事同様、この唯の画像も撮影してから幾らか日数を経ている。
そんな画像ファイルが、未だ幾つも。
人形を出してきて服を着せてやり、暫く眺めて、またすぐに片付けたこともあった。夕暮れが深まっていて、自然光での写真撮影は難しいと判断した所為もあるのだが。……誰も見ない記事を書いても仕方ない気がした。自分だけの愉しみとしてスライドを作っているつもりでも、そこまですれば、公開して誰かの目にも留まって欲しいと考えてしまう。何となくそれがひどく恥ずかしく思えた。
美しい人形をただ見ている。それで全てを終わりにしても構わないのではないか。
ブレードランナーのJ・F・セバスチャンの部屋を思い出す。沢山の人形は、彼自身が作った玩具、また彼の友達であるとの設定だった。自由に動いている人形の体は何で出来ているのか。埃は付着しないのか。
埃が付着せず、時間による劣化がないのなら、私も等身大のシリコンドールを部屋のあちこちに置いておくかもしれない。むろん簡単に倒れないような支えを講じなければならないのだが。それでも、人形を友達だとは思わない。観葉植物やプランターの草花同様、美しい事物として眺める。言葉かけをすることがあっても、それに対する返事まで求めたいと思わない。
通り一辺倒の、空疎な相槌は欲しない。かと言って、人形にまで不愉快な言動をされたくないと考えるからなのか。
美しい風景の一部のように、静かな、ただ美しいものとして、目の前にいてくれたら充分だと思ってしまう。
内も外も上下の区別もないエッシャーの絵のような空間が私の部屋なら、私は常時、家に閉じこもっていても、外の世界にもごく普通に存在できる。或いは、不思議な部屋の中を無数に這いまわるカールアップや永遠に歩き続けるマヌカンのような存在。そんな自分自身を夢見ながら、この日、人形を眺めていた。
