Small flowers by the roadside (_itokanasikimonotachi_)

As old pseudo-memories.02

I wish you happiness.


The music used for the slides was

Cozy Winter

I wonder how many more years I will live - maybe five, but not ten.
When I think about it, I want to see the towns and people I used to see when I was a high teenager. Especially the beautiful woman I admired back then.

If she were alive, she would be old enough to celebrate her Koki_seventieth birthday. So it is not the person of the present that I want to see, but the person of the past.
I admired her, but my memory of her face is already vague.
The best thing to do is to find a photograph from back then. Fortunately, I have an acquaintance from the same high school, whom I can still meet if I want to. His sister was in the same year as the person I admired. If the graduation album is still at his parents' house, would it be possible to ask to see it?

I don't want to go back to those days.
I had nowhere to go during self-study time, so I went to the library as if to escape.
The reading room would have had carpets drawn in and a stove.
Some were studying there, others were whispering in secret. I was in the open stacks on the chilly linoleum floor, browsing through Chinese poetry and the complete works of Japanese poets. I imagined the beautiful woman I admired in the world I envisioned from the printed word.
Sometimes the self-study lasted an hour, sometimes it would last two hours. When I finally returned to the classroom, no one asked where I had been.
I guess I didn't remain in anyone's consciousness, whether I was there or not.

What did the beautiful woman, with whom I had never spoken a word, look like?
I continue to hesitate, as if I want to know or not.