（続き）
The music used for the slides was
Marco Lucchi
A waltz against the empires
SoundCloud
Life is like a blowing wilderness
Whenever I look at my smartphone or laptop at the dinner table, the cat always makes little noises. Is it a protest that I am here and you are looking at those things, leaving me alone? I say yes, yes and go to the cat's side, but the cat doesn't even let me touch her. I have no choice but to lie down on my side and look up at the ceiling. The cat crouches at a perfect distance from me and makes a characteristic cat noise, a rumbling noise, which sounds from the back of her throat, or rather her nose. As I listen to the sound, I rub and squeeze the middle and ring fingers of my right hand. My second joint has a spring finger, which was once relieved by a steroid injection about two months ago. As the cause of why it happens is unknown, a radical cure seems to be difficult. If it remains bent, it may have to be treated surgically. There is nothing else to do but to keep on rubbing it out on my own, and keep on going along with it cheating and deceiving myself. The mosquito eye has become less bothersome, perhaps because I have been shut up in a dimly lit room for so long.
When I was lying down for a while, a verse from Tetsuo Saito's 'The Troubled One' came to mind: 'Life is like a blowing wilderness'. I suddenly wanted to know whether it was pronounced 'arano' or 'areno'.
I think it was 1971 when I first heard the song. I still vividly recall the red jacket of that single record, which I borrowed from a friend.
I thought it should have been sung as 'arano', but when I listen to it more closely now, I realise that it is sung as 'areno'. It sounds like it could be taken either way. The lyrics were also '荒野', not '曠野'.
Apparently, it was a selfish assumption on my part.
After realising this, I suddenly thought of the face of this doll.
A person wandering alone in the wilderness.
Wth quiet meditation as his companion on his journey.
It is a state of being that I cannot imitate, but that is why I long for it.
人生は吹きすさぶ荒野のように
食卓でスマートフォンやノートPCを見ていると、猫は必ず小さな声で鳴く。私はここにいるのに私をほったらかして、そんなものを見ているという抗議なのだろうか。はい、はいと言って猫の側へ行っても、猫は触らしてもくれないのだが。仕方なく、側に寝ころんで天井を見上げる。猫は絶妙な距離を保って蹲り、ごろごろといういう猫特有の音を、喉というか鼻の奥から響かせる。私は、その響きを聞きながら、右手の中指と薬指をさすったり揉み解したりする。第2関節がばね指になっていて、２か月ほど前にステロイド剤の注射によって一旦は楽になったのだが。何故なるのか原因が不明なため、根本的な治癒は難しいようだ。曲がったままになれば外科手術することも。自分で揉み解しながら、騙し騙し付き合っていく他はない。飛蚊症の目の方は、私がずっと薄暗い部屋に引きこもっているためか、あまり気にならなくなった。
暫く寝ころんでいたら、斉藤哲夫の「悩み多き者よ」の一節、「人生は吹きすさぶ荒野のように」という歌詞が浮かんだ。「あらの」と発音していたか「あれの」と発音していたか俄かに知りたくなった。
その歌を初めて聞いたのは1971年だったと思う。友人に借りたそのシングルレコードの赤いジャケットを今でも鮮やかに思い出す。
「あらの」と歌っていたはずだと思ったのだが、今、よく聞いてみると「あれの」と歌っている。どちらともとれそうにも聞こえるのだが。歌詞も「荒野」であって「曠野」ではなかった。
どうも私の勝手な思い込みだったようだ。
それが分かってから、ふと、この人形の顔が浮かんだ。
荒野を独り流浪する人。
静かな瞑想を旅の伴として。
私にはまねのできない境地だが、それだけに憧れの思いを抱く。
